Introducing The Boyfriend

Chris has been waiting and waiting and practically begging me, for quite some time now, to write about him. When we talked about the possibilities of starting a blog for me as a creative outlet he really started laying down the pressure and was quite persistent that I come up with something that’s specifically about him. I mean, he’s like a prepubescent girl who just discovered that her boyfriend is taking guitar lessons and anxiously waiting for him to write a song, if not all songs, about her.

You’re right, that’s a blatant lie. He heard the word “blog” and immediately said “don’t write about me.” And I then said, “you are smarter than that.”

So, I have a boyfriend. He told me not to talk about him because he’s a private person. But I take that to mean that he really wants me to. He’s pretty important to me so he needs to be introduced as a main player of the cast, if you will. And yes, I have every intention of putting our business out all over the internet at some point. At least I chose to do it now while we are in love and happy so you get to see the good parts of him and not after we break up and I smear his dirty name through the mud and lay out all of his secrets for the world to read. (Chris, I’d never do that… its a joke… …)

I have no boundaries.

Chris and I have been together since June of 2012. He was the gate security guard at the country club I was serving tables at when I first moved back to Florida.  I know that it sounds cliché, but the first time I saw him I knew that I would be with him. Well, I knew that I would sleep with him. That was the main goal at the time. I eyed him for about 6 months and every time I drove through the front gate I would leave my window up and my sunglasses on because he made me nervous. There was also competition amongst the female servers vying for his attention. He knew I worked there from the sticker on my windshield so I didn’t need to go through the hassle of rolling down my window and politely saying hello so he would let me through. If I know anything, I know that being nice gets you nowhere.

There was a brief period of time where he was sent to work at another location and was replaced by an older lady who took the title of “security officer” very seriously. She made sure that she checked all of our names and badges and stickers and made every vehicle that came through roll down their windows, say hello and then and only then would she lift the gate.  It drove me fucking nuts. Before, when there was this 6 foot 1, tall, attractive, muscular, charming, smart yet intimidating black man at the gate, things ran much more proficiently because he remembered your face. And then he was somehow replaced by a 65-year-old, scrawny, blue haired woman whose uniform swallowed her up and made her look like Voldemort before he released his powers from the Horcrux.  You had to be sure to leave work at least 20 minutes sooner than you normally did because you knew that the sexy security guard was gone and the irritatingly efficient old lady was going to hold you up and make you late for work because she was going to do everything short of performing a retinal scan to let you through. I missed seeing him there, to say the least.

Like so many hospitality jobs, there was the biannual, all staff meeting that was so conveniently scheduled for my day off. It was a hot afternoon in May. A coworker and I decided to go shopping and then head to the meeting. Thank God I decided to drive that day because as we stroll up to the gate, lo and behold, there he is. It has been a good, maybe, two months since the last time he flipped the switch to let me drive through the gate. My coworker in the passenger seat was one of the many girls at work interested in the hot, mysterious security guard. She often referred to him as her “boyfriend” when he would come up in casual conversation. She was excited to see him too. I said: “Oh my god, he’s back! I’m going to say something?” My eyes glued to him and my heart beating out my chest. My palms were getting sweaty. She says, anxiously: “What? What do you mean you’re going to say something? What are you going to say?” There was a little twinge of jealousy and disappointment in her voice.

I roll down my window and he walks up. I slip my sunglasses up and into my hair so he can see my blue eyes because I know they’re my best feature. “Hey!”  I said, “Where have you been? I’ve missed seeing you, you’re the only reason I liked coming to work.” He’s clearly taken aback and confused by my forcefulness but there is a smile drawn across his lips and I melt into my seat. He’s even cuter when he smiles and he has perfect teeth. He’s flattered, obviously. That was the goal. He laughs and tells me that he was needed at another location and he’s only back temporarily. I didn’t know what else to say. I was surprisingly unembarrassed by my approach to our first interaction. But, I drove through the gate beaming with excitement. I was glad I at least said something and there was the chance I’d never see him again since he worked at some other gate for some other community now. I vaguely remember hearing, “I can’t believe you just talked to my boyfriend.”

A few weeks passed and I didn’t see him again. And then finally, about a month later, he was there. Standing up against the guard shack, waving at the members who rode by on their bicycles. I wasn’t as nervous this time around and this time I was alone. Just do it, what’s the worst that could happen? If he’s not interested, the next time he’s here you leave your window up and your glasses on like before.  I slow the car to a stop and roll down the window. He walks up. He smiles hello and I can literally hear my heart beating in my ears. We say our hello’s and how are you’s and I introduce myself, because I hadn’t before. He tells me his name is Chris and I tell him I know and point to where his name is labeled on the guard shack as the attendant for the day. “Oh yeah!” He says, and laughs at himself. And then the awkwardness ensues with me saying: “Hey! So, I was just wondering if you had a girlfriend?” He laughs and throws his head back. He does not have a girlfriend. “So, do you want one?” I say this completely straight-faced. “Ha!” he laughs, “Well I’m not really looking for one. I’m in school and I’m really focused on that right now.” I go to pull up on my automatic window. “Oh okay. Well you know, just curious… you can let me in the gate now. That’s cool.” My face is beet red. As I go to take my car out of park he says, “Well you know, I didn’t say I didn’t want to hang out…” I stop and smile and he asks for my number. I jot it down on a torn off corner of an envelope.

He text me his number ten minutes later and we have been together ever since. He’s in love with me. How could he not be? I’m perfect in every way. We never fight because he always gives me my way.

You’re right, that too is a blatant lie. We only fight sometimes.

In all honesty we have a really good and healthy relationship and its the first time ever that the things I complain about in regard to him are petty and selfish. Like when he doesn’t answer the phone because he’s sleeping and I fully expect him to answer regardless of the fact that he works all night. And when he not only complains about having to do the dishes but then also has to be constantly reminded to do them, even though I made dinner and we have a deal. I cook–you clean.  There’s literally nothing wrong with him. He’s kinda boring, like me. And I say that with total love and endearment. He’s my stray from the norm. He makes me calm and strong and I feel smart and supported. He tells me I’m beautiful almost every day. Most importantly, he respects me in ways that no man ever has. It’s the first relationship where I feel like I deserve to be taken care of and adored. I am admired and appreciated. All things I never felt I deserved because I thought self-worth was for the birds.

I’m sure there will be a discussion later about “privacy” and the difference between what “do” and “don’t” really sound like and mean. But, he’s a smart man. He knew it was bound to happen. And we have a fun story. I never thought we would end up together but I’m really excited about what will come for us in the future. I’m also really hoping that this will suffice as an appropriate Valentines Day gift because I have every intention of spending my tax return on a big screen TV like the responsible adult that I am.